Wednesday, June 16, 2004

And I thought I knew shame before

Well, I had written a very nice, poking-fun-at-myself entry about how I haven't read Ulysses yet, and all the mock shame I felt about it. I told you that I have been trying to read it for about fifteen years, but that I keep putting it down to read other things. I told you all about books I read in the summer of 95, although there was a star which led you to the bottom of the page, where you would have read that although I had read those books, I hadn't in '95, as I can't find my Have Read list from that summer. Ooh, I even remember typing something like "it (the list) was supposed to be over there, see, where clearly there is now only that stupid pink bear, the star-shape-icecube tray. And Ulysses."
I talked abit about the Quest, but not much (again from the memory hole: "the short version is that we were four good friends who fucked off a year or so of school to have a lot of creative fun, and every year since we get together to drink a lot of coffee."), only to mention that I did not keep my Quest goal for QE 10 to read the Big Books I hadn't read yet that I owned, which included Ulysses. I never read any of them. One of them was Infinite Jest, and I mentioned that after reading a Mimi Smartypants entry about her love of the book, I picked it up, and um, moved it to a new pile.
There was also a few lines about how I wanted to have read Ulysses for today, bloomsday, about how I was ready to not get a lot of stuff, but the book hasn't even been moved.
By now it should be plain to you: I lost an entry. I was just about done, ready to preview it, and I wanted to find one last link on "summer of 95" using Bananaslug. My browser crashed, and me with no back-up. I thought that there would be warning signs, as there usually is. Not this time. grrr. This entry is vastly unfresh compared to the original, as it had fun fresh links to reviews of books, and to a few other sites, which this entry clearly does not possess. It also had some stuff about me feeling like a fake intellectual, that soon I will get kicked out of the club ("bounce! bounce!! bounce!!!"). Oh! and there was this whole riff on the fake University course I had to take on faking knowledge of texts and authors, but it was really overworked, and I'm glad it's gone.
I will, however, finish in the same spirit as before.
I am off for a pint of Guinness, and will be carting the Big U with me for one more kick at the cat.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

With a rush and a push and the band is ours

I know I promised that I would write about "Idiot Proof" when I was finished it, and that was a long time ago. Well, the truth of the matter is that I didn't finish it, as it is very annoying. So annoying that I hurled it across the room (with only ten pages left), dinging the corner of it on the hardwood. It still reposes near the box of homemade wine near the unfinished bookshelf Che gave me. I have only hurled one other book previous to this: Grendel by John Gardner. With three pages left, the book took such an infuriating turn I couldn't stand (well, sit) to hold it anymore. Whing! Scare the crap out of Max (the psychotic cat) did I, yes I did. I finished it, eventually, and I will finish Idiot Proof as well. Then you too can marvel at how many stupid things this man says. Hmm, and since Nick Hornby praises it in some issue of Believer I have kicking around, maybe I'll kick him around a little, too.

I did finish my mixed tape for work. Following is the list of bands in the order they appear: Neutral Milk Hotel; Cat Power; Jesus and Mary Chain; Yeah Yeah Yeahs; Malcolm Mclaren; Sleater-Kinney; Modest Mouse; the Pretty Things; the Vines; Tori Amos; the Beatles; Telepopmusik; the Smiths; Pixies; Sonic Youth; Spiritualized; Dream Warriors; MC 900 ft Jesus; Tom Waits; U2. Maybe later I'll be all linky with these bands, but right now sleep beckons.

Friday, June 04, 2004

Princess Auburn of Gemini World

When I was conceived I was not alone. I had a twin, a sister, and the two of us developed, slowly, together. Until Fate intervened, and then my sister was no more. Her nascent body, abandoned by the imperatives of life, was consumed by mine for nourishment; this was of minor interest to me. Of major interest is that her soul was subsumed by mine; she lives within me still. As she exists only internally, and not externally, she matures at only half the rate of the rest of us.
Inside me lives the soul of a 16 year old girl.
Like, oh my god! that explains so much! lol! (ahem.)
She is a pale girl as she doesn't get much sun. She has reddish brown hair, and likes to dress in browns and reds. I have met her a few times in my dreams. At times we are very close, and others she is quite cold, distant, and tests me. I should be very wary of her, but I am incapable of mistrusting her, for I love my sister. She told me her name, but of course that is a secret.
She wants to be free; sometimes I let her out, and other times she forces herself out. To her I attribute my preternatural youthful looks, and she is the reason we will see my 125th birthday.
I have a twin sister, and I am never alone.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Re-mixed vertigo for idiots.

Hi all. I'm currently making a mix tape for work. That's right, a mixed cassette. This really is a lost art, I think, at least for me. It's been decades since I made a really good one, and most of the ones I've made for work seem somewhat off. The last tape I made I went with a two song in row from each artist format, which somewhat worked. This tape I might put the same artists on both sides, if I can work it. Currently I am listening to Sleater-Kinney's The Hot Rock to see which song has the right blend of energy, harmony, and non-offensiveness (note-wise) for work .
I finally had a non immediate sense datum dream last night. I was on the top of a cliff, which was fairly smooth and level, but it ended abruptly to drop sheer down at least a kilometer. I was running along, about fifteen feet from the edge, enjoying the clear blue sky, the wonderfully fresh cool air, the general openness of the scenery. Then I saw a crack in the cliff that I had to jump over. It was only about two feet across, something that I could easily step over, but as I jumped over it I saw that the crack went all the way down, that if I fell in I would fall a kilometer to my death. I kept running, still somewhat exhilarated, but now also nervous a little, very much aware of just how freakin' high I was. I came to another crack in the cliff edge, and this time when I jumped it wasn't nearly so easy, my stomach clenched a little, my legs would barely jump at all. Still I ran, compelled god knows why. When I came to the next jump my gut clenched so forcefully I couldn't jump at all, I was so completely focused on the view down to the blurry green trees below (yes, I know, focused on something blurry). My momentum carried me over to the other side, but I couldn't move, I lay on the sun warmed rock, my diaphragm so clenched I couldn't breathe; this is how I woke up: in the grips of intense vertigo, my mind convinced that I was going to fall off the edge of my bed to my death.
Now if only I had actually fallen, I probably would've floated down or something, then had an opportunity to fly. But no, just stupid useless dizziness and fear.
I'm currently reading a somewhat nasty book by Francis Wheen called Idiot Proof. His goal is to reveal the stupidity of the media, of those in power, of us for supporting them, of fad religion and spirituality, fad economics, fad diets, whatnot. As he was detailing what was wrong with Thatcherism and Reaganomics I was with him, generally; at a certain point he turned irrelevantly mean and nasty: "Why [Deepak Chopra's] longevity formula failed to work for Princess Diana, with whom he lunched shortly before her death, remains a mystery." He grossly miscaricatured (this word looks wrong) several things that I know rather well. I really want to tear into this guy, but currently I am very tired. I think that I will wait until the next time I post; by then I will have finished the book, and he may redeem himself. I am guessing he willn't, as his main point seems to be that humanity isn't smart enough to avoid doing stupid things; big deal.